Marriages in Tamang

IMPORTANT for youngster of this generation.

Marriages in Tamang:

Inter marriage does not occur within the same subgroup (thahar as well as sahathar). Although inter marriage can occur between a boy, say belonging to the Thokar subgroup and a girl belonging to the Syangtan subgroup, if the mother of both the boy and girl belong to the same subgroup, however, marriage between them is not possible since they are socially recognized as the son and daughter of the same mother. There is the practice of marrying one's maternal uncle's and aunt's daughter.

Unlike in Hindu society, Tamang women do not adopt the last name of their husbands following marriage. Their thar or subgroup does not change; the woman remains in the same subgroup her entire life. When she dies, the body cannot be disposed without the presence and permission of her relatives. There is the traditional practice among Tamang daughters of undertaking small economic activities (Pewa) like keeping goats, chicken, etc. This enables the daughter to learn to stand on her feet and makes her self-reliant.
Marriages are of the three standard types: Arrangement Marriage, Capture Marriage and Mutual Agreement Marriage.

1. Arrangement Marriage:
Arrangements are made when they are only fourteen or fifteen years old. When the arrangements are agreed upon, the boy's father takes the boy and goes to the girl's parent's house accompanied by 40 or 50 people and brings the bride back to his own house, where the actual wedding ceremony takes place. The wedding consists of putting the tika (vermilion) mark on the forehead of both the boy and girl by all senior members of the family and relatives. The neighbours and relatives are fed boiled rice, mutton or buffalo meat and given much spirit to drink.

2. Capture Marriage: -
A capture marriage usually occurs when the boy selects a bride who may not consent easily or when he wants to avoid the long procedure and expenditure of an arranged marriage. It is done even in the case of preferred cross-cousin marriages to save trouble, time and expense. If the captured girl persistently refuses to get married for three days, she is allowed to return to her parents. If she agrees, a proper wedding ceremony is organized and friends and relatives, including the girl's parents are invited. A girl may be captured from a fair or a market. It her parents take the offence too seriously, they approach the boy's family making demands for compensation. Once they are pacified the rest of the procedure follows smoothly.

3. Mutual Agreement Marriage:
Most Tamang young people get married by mutual agreement. When a boy and girl are in love and decide to marry, the boy asks his parents to approach her parents for their consent. Once consent is given the wedding can be organized in the same way as in the case of the arranged marriage. If by any chance either the boy's or the girl's parents do not consent to the match the only choice for them is to elope and remain hidden until their parents either agree or totally ignore them.
If a man has only one daughter and no sons he can bring in a husband for his daughter to inherit and own property. The husband is not subsequently allowed to take another wife, but should he do so while he is enjoying the property of his first wife's father. It automatically goes back to his first wife. Should the wife leave the husband her father has brought in she is not entitled to her father's property; if she dies the husband can with her parents' permission marry another women.
Lamas(religious leader) usually marry the daughters of other Lamas and teach their sons to act as Lamas. "In this way" notes Furer-Haimendorf, "a class of lamas have grown up and though neither strictly endogamous nor formally privileged, this class now forms an upper stratum distinct from the ordinary cultivators. Lama however is a broad term. The priestly class among the sherpas and all the disciples and monks of any monastery are also popularly called "Lama". There is also a clan called lama among the sherpas. All non-Tamangs, when trying to be polite use the flattering term "Lama" for any Tamang individual.